Friday, July 30, 2010
Why must you say that
I foolishly thought my decision to have a proper meal instead of starving was commendable, but you had to fucking comment,"That's a lot of food."
Sadly, that didn't kill my appetite, no matter how slowly I tried to eat, no matter how small my bites were. I feel fucking guilty.
They didn't manage to come up, and I'm left with a strained throat and a spinning head. To make matters worse, Anne walked in just as I got out of the cubicle. Tried to pass it off as a terrible stomachache. Couldn't look at her in the eye. I'm sure that she suspected because she asked and she kept shooting me the judgemental look.
It's my own choice. This is one of my ways of being happy. I thought perhaps I can binge a little today because it's the time of the month, but apparently eating normal portions is frowned upon.
Putting on weight is not acceptable.
Not eating is preposterous.
Eating normally is unpardonable.
What the fuck am I to do?
Starve on, Faith, starve on. This is really the best resort.
Sadly, that didn't kill my appetite, no matter how slowly I tried to eat, no matter how small my bites were. I feel fucking guilty.
They didn't manage to come up, and I'm left with a strained throat and a spinning head. To make matters worse, Anne walked in just as I got out of the cubicle. Tried to pass it off as a terrible stomachache. Couldn't look at her in the eye. I'm sure that she suspected because she asked and she kept shooting me the judgemental look.
It's my own choice. This is one of my ways of being happy. I thought perhaps I can binge a little today because it's the time of the month, but apparently eating normal portions is frowned upon.
Putting on weight is not acceptable.
Not eating is preposterous.
Eating normally is unpardonable.
What the fuck am I to do?
Starve on, Faith, starve on. This is really the best resort.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Revolutionary Road
A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire.
I have to leave.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Somewhere over the rainbow
I am damn fucking tired of this life.
Throw in the towel. Head to that land that I heard of, once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh, why can't I
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh, why can't I
I am sorry that I am so fucking pathetic. Wish I was stronger.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
When the slightest utterance can destroy the spellbound moment
Kan jag få skänka dig min tid
Och vill du sen dela den med mig
I säkert förvar nu mitt hjärta du har
Och varje stund jag är med dig
Så vet jag att min dröm har blivit sann
Ett liv för mig är ett liv med dig
Then I shall hide behind the protection of another linguistic.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Blue Devils
What if they've become my friends. My constant companions.
Doleful.
Because I forgot how to...
Perché ho dimenticato come sorridere...
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